Conflict Motives

Everyday circumstances show that sometimes people respond to some conflicting motives to one another. For example, at one time a person has a motive to learn, but also has a motive to see the movie. In such circumstances there will be a contradiction or conflict within the person between a single motif with other motifs. So the motive of conflict that would occur if there were several objectives to be achieved simultaneously.

When individuals experience a variety of motifs there are some possible responses that can be taken, namely:

1. Selection or rejection

In the face of a variety of individual motives can take a decisive election. In the selection of an individual firm is expected to situations where the individual must provide a response (selection or rejection) of some kind of object or situation at hand. If between the various objects or situations are so obviously different from the strict selection will not be much trouble but the smaller the difference between the various objects, will be increasingly difficult individuals in making decisions, so that individuals will experience conflict.

2. Compromise

If the individual has two kinds of object or situation, the possibility that individuals can take the response is compromise, which combines both types of object. But not all objects or situations can be taken or decisions that compromise response. In the event that an individual should take this final selection or rejection of the firm.

3. Doubt doubt

If the individual is required to conduct the election or rejection between the two objects or a bad thing or good, it often arises indecision or hesitation on the individual, as if the individual swings from one poll to another pol. Individuals almost decided almost take that one, but that another party is also, until the individual feels difficult to let go. Confusion occurs because each object has a positive value or negative value, both had some beneficial aspects, but also has facets or harmful properties. Selection or rejection of the hard usually contain two kinds of properties such that, as has been stated in the problem of conflict, both contain elements of a profitable but also contain harmful elements. Suppose a young man facing election between two girls that are equally good. Both the girl caught his attention and he wanted, all have properties that are equally strong. Such a situation is what lead to indecision or hesitation on the young man. Selection of a compromise can not be retrieved. As if the boy has been swinging from one object to another object, individuals experiencing conflict.

Vacillation or hesitation generally unpleasant for the individual and sometimes confusing to evoke a sense of the psychic state of individuals experiencing barriers or distractions. This situation can be overcome by an individual to take a decision taking into consideration and thorough examination of all aspects of these objects, all profit to lose, so it may need to make a list of reasons to thereby ruling shows that the best possible decision.

But sometimes it lasts forever be in doubt until the very disturbing individual. Because it is sometimes individuals make decisions in a haphazard course, because individuals assume that the existence of a decision will be better than no decision at all.

But there is also another possibility of the individual to temporarily suspend the issue, up to individual would face in a quiet objects, individuals will be guided by his conscience in making decisions. Basis of decisions taken conscience has certain properties, namely:

a. Nature is more irrational, sometimes can not be explained with the ratio of why such decisions were taken.

b. Are subjective, the decision applies to the individual. So the possibility of some thing's decision can not be understood by others

c. In this decision which decided not mind, but out of the depths of his heart, from his conscience.

Kind Motive

Kind Motive

As has been stated above that humans have a basic motif, which is a biological motif, which is the motive for the survival of humans as organisms. But besides humans as biological organisms, humans are social creatures. Therefore besides humans have a biological motif also has a sociological motives, namely the motive to conduct relations with other people. This motif is developed on the basis of the interaction of individuals in society.

Besides, Kuypers argued that human beings in addition to biological and sociological beings is also a theological beings. Therefore, in addition to motive biological, sociological motives, in humans also found a theological motive, that motive that encourages people to hold a relationship with God.

Besides, according Woodwoorth & marquis motif that can be distinguished:

1. Motifs associated with physical needs (organic needs), which is a motif associated with the survival of individuals or organisms, such motives to drink, eat, breathe needs, sex, needs a rest.

2. Motif emergency (emergency Motives), namely, the motive for the act of immediate-action because circumstances demand it, such as motive to remove themselves from danger, fight motive, motive to overcome obstacles, the motive to compete.

3. Motif objective (obyective Motives), namely, the motive to conduct relations with the surrounding circumstances, whether against people or objects such as motive exploration, manipulation motives, interests. Interest is the motive which turned to something special. It has been argued in advance that the individual has had an interest in something, then attention will naturally attracted to the object.

(Woodwoorth & Marquis, 1957)

Origin and Development of Motives

Crate has been put forward over the man as a living being experienced growth. These developments related to the problem of maturity (maturation), training and learning process. This also affects the existing circumstances in the individual motifs. Due to the above be noted that when an individual is born has brought impulses or certain motifs, especially the motifs associated with individual survival as an organism. Thus, this motif is natural in the sense that when an individual is born has brought certain motives. But then the motives that have brought it as a result of individual development, will experience growth as well. Thus it can be argued that there is a natural motif (naturally) which is a basic motif which is on the individual, and no motive gained through experience and learning process, namely the motives learned (learned Motives). Basic motif is a motif that closely related to motifs that are biological, which is closely related to the physical needs for survival of individuals, such as eating patterns, drinking motives, motives for fresh air, sexual motives. But with the development of the individual, the basic motive will experience the changes, according to the circumstances existing norms.

Progress And Motif kinds

As already described that the organism is motivated by something to do because the power that comes from within him that became the driving to do. Why does that man run, because there is a push from inside the person that causes it to run. Encouragement comes from within herself to do it, called motifs. For this reason, the motive force is defined as a self-contained within the organism that causes the organism to act or do. Encouragement was drawn to a particular destination. However, there are acts that are not driven by motives, which the act took place automatically. It can be stated as follows:

Broadly speaking actions that the organism can be divided in two things: the act of reflexive and conscious act.

1. The act of reflexive, ie acts that go unnoticed by the individual or the movement of an unconscious reaction to the stimulus. Reflex is a symptom konasi low level. Because is not realized, then of course act as a reaction from the stimulus received is not up to the brain as a center of consciousness so that the travel path of the stimulus until the reaction will be shorter when compared to the path traveled by the stimulus recognized by the individual. Thus the reaction of reflection can be described as follows:

Various kinds of reflexes:

a. Innate reflex: ie, inborn reflex, also called native reflexes or reflexes appropriately. This reflex is a certain way to act inborn, functions ensure his new-born creature should avoid things that are not pleasant, for example: close your eyes as opposed to a very bright light, shaking with hunger, and so forth. Such reflexes are not limited to newborns or children, in adults there as well.

b. Reflex exercise: namely reflex obtained from the experience. This reflex is not inborn, but rather the result rather than experience or act which is always repeated.

For example: bike riding skills, car driving skills. Both cyclists and auto drivers do not at any time should plan and consider motions to deflect the steering and brakes. So the occurrence of this reflex is independent of the stimulus, but are formed because of the experience.

c. Conditional reflex (conditioned-reflex)

This reflex does not depend on the nature of the original stimulus but arise because of other stimuli that do associate with the natural stimulus. So that arise associated with the natural stimulant there needs to be an intermediary, called terms. Things that may cause the association until there is a reflex called the terms or conditions.

The view of this conditional reflex experiments rely on Pavlov (Russian psychology graduate), which held a trial of this matter with the dog as an object of investigation. Conditional reflexes concerned with this, there is the flow of psychology called "reflexology"

2. The act of realizing, that the organism acts on the basis of the motives of the individuals concerned. So if the act was a conscious response from the stimulus, the stimulus to be received by the individual is to be centered, and completely realized by the individual concerned. Thus the path taken by the stimulus until the response is realized will be longer when compared with the unconscious.

The act which was originally not a motive to increase to act in that pattern. For example, if the finger touched by the fire, then the reflection, the man pulled a hand or finger from the touch of fire as a response. These actions occur by itself, happens automatically. Due to the fire because the affected finger hurt, so if people are looking for a drug that can reduce or even eliminate the pain. The act is an act of looking for drugs that have been patterned. The purpose of the act is to find drugs to reduce or eliminate the pain he suffered as a result are exposed to fire. From this example can be argued that the act which originally was not patterned, the reflection, can be increased to act in that pattern.

Mental Ability-Related Volition (Konasi)

Understanding Willingness

Volition is one of the functions of human psychological life, can be interpreted as a psychological activity that contains an active business and is associated with the implementation of a goal. A goal is the end point of the movement that led to something direction. The goal is the implementation of a capability objectives that must be interpreted in a relationship. For example, someone who has a body, the aim is not to object, but in having that thing ", which is in the relationship (relationship), it's over. Someone who has a goal to become a scholar, with a basic will, he studied hard, although perhaps also while working. In colloquial terms, will be equated with the will and desire. The will is a function of the soul to be able to achieve something that is a strength from within and visible from the outside as the movements.

To make it easier to learn then the symptoms will be divided into:

a. Encouragement, it is an inner strength that has a specific purpose and take place outside of human consciousness. The drive is divided into 2 categories namely:

• Encouragement lust:

• encouragement of appetite,

• encouragement of sexual lust,

• encouragement of social passions, and

• encouragement to imitate lust

• Encouragement for spiritual:

• encouragement of security,

• boost self-assertive,

• encouragement to know,

• encouragement of beauty,

• encouragement goodness,

• encouragement of freedom, and

• encouragement to work.

b. Want, is motivated by sexual, directed at a particular object, or the concrete, want can become a habit practiced. Eg appetite generate the desire to eat something. While the habit is motion acts that went well and as if run by itself

c. Desire, is a particular desire that can be repeated. The characteristics of Desire is as follows:

• Desire is the "motor" driving behavior and human behavior.

• Desire is closely linked to specific objectives, both positive and negative. Achieve something positive means goods that are considered valuable or useful to him. Being negative means avoiding anything that is considered not to have price / order for him.

• Desire forever no symptoms apart from knowing (cognition) and feelings (emotions). In other words: a desire not to split up the work of another soul.

• Desire are directed to the holding of a goal

d. Tendencies, desires an active man who asked for quick action. Desires that often arises or it is called: the tendency, the same trend with inclination. The trend could lead to fundamental predilection toward something.

The trend can be divided into several groups:

1) The tendency of the vital (life), for example: voraciously, love, eat, and so fond of liquor.

2) The tendency of an individual, causing the properties of greedy, greedy, stingy, selfish.

3) Social trends, such as: friendship, brotherhood, charity and so forth.

4) Abstract tendencies, a positive example: obedience to God, honest, obedient, responsible, and so while a negative example: lie, lie and so forth.

e. Lust Lust & Eve. Lust is the encouragement contained in each human being and gives the power to act to meet the specific needs of life. Lust consists of 2 types namely:

• Individual Passion (individual), for example, appetite, passion play, lust action, destructive lust, lust fighting, power lust and so on.

• Social Lust (community), for example: lust to imitate, mating lust, passions come together with others, lust association, desire to protect, defend against lust, lust seeking knowledge, passion prostrate to God

While lust is a very strong tendency or desire and urge a little much influence a person's soul is called lust. With the emergence of sensual desire as if the others are ruled out, leaving only one desire of the ruling and move in consciousness. Besides lust characterized by:

• Feeling extremely affected and the power of thinking can be overpowered.

• Usually accompanied by the emergence of the passions that great powers.

Due to the emergence of these passions physical and spiritual life becomes chaotic and disturbed. The passions that have appeared include: gambling, lust, movies, liquor and so on.

Affek and Steming (Mood)

Affek and Steming (mood)

Affek a psychic event that can be interpreted as a sense of great tension and strong that arise suddenly in a short time, is not realized and is accompanied by physical symptoms that great anyway. As a result of personal affek infestation was not familiar with or do not realize the longer something done, for example: fear, anger, disgust, hatred revenge blast, love, lust and so on

While stemming is the mood that lasted a bit longer, more peaceful, more sustainable and is characterized by feelings of like or dislike and accepted as a conscious state.

Sympathy and Empathy

It is a mood which relate to other people. Sympathy is a feeling of attraction toward others that is the tendency to participate and feel everything that is being felt by others because of the attraction towards the other person (feeling with another person). Sympathy may arise because of the ideals of equality, the same suffering and so forth. While feelings of hatred towards others is referred to as the antipathy and sympathy in the form of symptoms similar to unwarranted actions, something that is logical.

Empathy is the tendency to feel something other person if he's done in the situations of others. The factors that caused it because it is driven by emotion that seems to be part of what is perceived by others (feeling into a person thing)

Some Theory of Emotion

What is the relationship between emotion with physical symptoms, namely whether the emotions that cause physical symptoms that cause emotions. Of this there is an opinion contrary to other opinions. These opinions are often known by the theories of emotion, namely:

1. The central theory

According to this theory or opinion is the result of physical symptoms of emotion experienced by the individual, so individuals experience emotions first and then experienced changes in the physical. Because of that theory or opinion is known as a central theory, put forward by Cannon. So based on this theory can be argued that physical symptoms are the result of emotions experienced by the individual.

2. Perifir theory

According to an opinion or theory is just the opposite. Physical symptoms are not the result of emotions experienced by individuals, but rather the emotions experienced by individuals is the result of physical symptoms. According to this theory people do not cry because it is difficult, but otherwise he was difficult because of crying. This theory was put forward by James, who at the same time also put forward by Lange. Therefore, this theory is often known as James-Lange theory of emotion, which are often called the paradox of James. While experts conduct experiments to test the extent to which the truth of James-Lange theory, among others Sherrington and Cannon, which generally indicates that what was raised by James is not right. James-Lange theory is more focused on things that are perifir than the central character. (Woodworth & Marquis, 1957)

3. Personality theory

opinion or theory is that emotion is a personal activity, where this person can not be split apart in the physical and psychic as a separate substance. Therefore, the emotion involves the physical changes such as what was raised by J. Linchoten.

Kinds of feelings

In everyday life often heard of feeling high and feeling low. This situation shows that there is a classification of feelings.

Max Scheler argues that there are 4 kinds of levels in the sense, namely:

1) Feelings of sensory level

This feeling is a feeling based on the awareness related to the physical stimulus, such as pain, heat, cold.

2) Feelings of vital life

This feeling is entirely dependent on physical, such as taste fresh, tired, and so forth.

3) Feelings of psychiatric

This feeling is a feeling like the feeling of joy, grief, fear.

4) Feelings of personality

This feeling is a feeling associated with the whole person, such as feelings of self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness, feeling satisfied. (Bigot, et al., 1950)

Besides, Kohnstamm give a feeling of classification as follows:

1) Feelings senses

This feeling is a feeling associated with sensory devices, such as feelings associated with taste, eg sour, salty, bitter, sweet; related to smell and so forth. Also included in this case feelings of hunger, thirst, pain, fatigue and so forth.

2) feelings of psychological

In this class feeling is still distinguished by:

a. Intellectual Feelings

This feeling is a kind of feeling that arises or accompany an intellectual feeling, that feeling that arises when people can solve a problem, or get new things out of the work of the intellectual aspect. This feeling can also be a driver or to motivate individuals in the act, and this feeling can also be a motivation in the field of science. People will feel happy and satisfied when it can get an opinion or a new theory in the field of science. Children will also feel happy and satisfied, for example if he could solve the problem according to their size calculation that is a matter that is quite heavy. The feeling that arises is related to the intellectual aspect.

b. Feelings of decency

These feelings arise when people experience things that are good or bad according to the norms of decency. Good things will lead to positive feelings, while the bad things that will cause negative feelings. So people will experience positive feelings when he was doing good, so instead he will experience negative feelings if you do bad.

c. Feelings Beauty

These feelings arise when people observe something beautiful or ugly. The beautiful generate positive feelings, the ugly cause negative feelings.

d. Community feeling

This feeling arises with relations with others. If people follow the positions of others, the feelings that accompany it. Feelings can be a variety of pattern, such as hate or antipathy, pleasure or sympathy. Feeling happy is a positive feeling, hatred is a negative feeling. The feeling of nationality is a feeling of community as well.

e. Feelings of Self-Esteem

This feeling is a feeling that accompanies self esteem. These feelings can be positive, that arise when people get respect for himself. These feelings can rise to feelings of self-esteem more. But these feelings can also be negative, which is when people get disappointed. This can cause lack of self esteem. Feelings of self esteem further pared by Alfred Adler, as a character in individual psychology.

f. Feelings Into deity.

This feeling accompanies the belief in God that has the properties of the all perfect. Feelings believe this will bring someone to do good, do pious. Feeling the Godhead is the highest or innermost feelings. Human actions are noble and holy is centered on the feeling to this deity. And the high feelings in the deity does not depend on one's abilities or skills. With the feeling to the deity of all things will be drawn to Him.

Mental Ability-Related Feelings (Emotions)

Feelings And Emotions

Feelings and emotions are usually characterized as a state (state) of self or individual organism at a time. For example, people feel sad, happy, moved and so forth-if you see something, hear something, smell and so forth. Symptoms include feeling soul which is owned by everyone who just hue and its level is not the same. Feelings do not know though symptoms include feeling often associated with symptom recognition.

Then what is meant by that feeling? The feeling is the state of spiritual or psychological event like or dislike in a relationship with familiar events and is subjective. In other words the feeling is characterized as a state of the soul as a result of events which generally come from outside, and these events usually lead to jiggle-jiggle on the individuals concerned.

The reaction of each person against the state was not the same as true to each other. Therefore, in the sense of some particular trait that is:

1. Has to do with symptom recognition. Feelings associated with perception of events, is a psychological reaction to the stimulus that it takes. There was a very pleasant experience this state, but otherwise there is also a normal course, and there may even experience feelings that are less pleased. Thus, although the same stimulus, but the feelings generated by the stimulus can be different.

2. Feelings are subjective, more subjective when compared with events other mental health. Although the same stimulus, the feelings generated can vary in character according to the circumstances of each individual.

3. The feeling is experienced as feeling happy or not happy is not the same level. Nevertheless there are experts who argue that while feeling happy and not happy is only one dimension only of feelings.

As has been stated above that feeling arises as a consequence or reaction to the stimulus of the individual, but this does not mean that the state of feeling is solely dependent on the stimulus from the outside, because there are times when something does not evoke a sense of the situation at all. Because of that feeling in addition to depending on the stimulus that comes from outside, also depend on:

a. individual physical condition. If less healthy physical condition can affect a matter that is on individual feelings. In general, people are in a state of pain, is more sensitive when compared with the healthy physical condition.

b. Nature (the ground state of individuals). This is closely related to the structure of private individuals. For example there are people who easily get angry, otherwise there is a difficult person. Thus individual personal structure will also determine whether or not someone is having something easy feeling.

c. Individual circumstances at a time, or a temporary state of a person. For example, people who at one time was frantic mind, would be susceptible to feelings of individuals when compared to that in normal circumstances.

Self-Awareness and Disclosure

Self-Consciousness

If a man has to register the various qualities that wants owned, self-consciousness must occupy a high priority. All human beings want to know yourself better by controlling the mind and behavior. Most humans only up to a limit on the extent to understand ourselves or realize who he was.

Self-consciousness is the foundation for all forms and functions of communication (Kleinke, 1978). This can be explained very well through the Johari Window (Johari Window), (Luft, 1969, 1970). This window is divided into four principal areas or quadrants, each of which contains the self (self) are different.

Open area (Open Self)

Open areas (open self) contains all the information, behaviors, attitudes, feelings, desires, motivation, ideas and so forth that are known by themselves and by others. Kinds of information included here can range from the name, color, and sex someone up to the age, political beliefs and religion. Open areas of each person the amount will vary depending on with whom the person is communicating. There are people who make us feel comfortable and supported us; against them, we open ourselves wide. Against other people who we would prefer to close most of us.

The amount of open area also vary from one person to another. Some people tend to express their wishes and feelings are most deeply. Others prefer to remain silent both in terms of importance or not important. However, most of us, to open up to certain people about certain things at certain times. The smaller the first quadrant, "said Luft" (1970) "the worse communication." Communication depends on how far we open ourselves to our own. If we do not let other people know us, communication becomes very difficult, if not even impossible. We can communicate meaningful only if we know each other and also to know oneself. To improve communications, we must first try to enlarge this open area.

Changes in open areas or in any area or quadrant will result in changes in the other quadrants. Imagine a fixed size window, with a large per box can vary sometimes small, sometimes large. If one box becomes smaller, another box will become larger. Similarly, if one of the boxes become larger, the other box would be smaller. The regions themselves are, thus, are not mutually exclusive and independent. They each depend on others.

Regional Blind (Blind Self)

Blood blind (blind self) contains information about ourselves known to others but we ourselves do not know. This can be a little habits that says "you know" or hold, holding his nose when you are angry or anything else that is more meaningful as a defensive attitude, or experience pent.

Some people have a blind area is vast and seemingly unaware of the various mistakes he made. Other people seemed very worried if it has a few blind areas. They try to do therapy and follow all the activities of self-awareness group. While other people who think they know everything about themselves, believe that they have omitted this blind area to zero. There's more people who only pretend to want to reduce their blind areas. They expressed a willingness to hear about themselves, but the negative tone of comments just appear, they become defensive and self-defense. Most of us lies between these extremes.

Communication requires openness parties involved. If there are blind areas, communication becomes difficult. However, such areas will always be present in each of us. Although we may be able to shrink the area, eliminate them altogether is impossible.

Dark areas (Unknown Self)

Dark areas (unknown self) is part of the human self that is not known either by himself or by others. This is information that sank in the subconscious or something that is forgotten from the attention. Humans get a picture of these dark areas of a number of sources. Sometimes this area is revealed through temporary changes due to take medication, through a special experimental conditions such as hypnosis or sensory deprivation, or through a variety of projective tests or a dream. Exploration of this area through interactions that are open, honest and empathetic with a sense of trust with another person, parent, friend, counselor, children, lovers an effective way to get the picture.

Closed Area (Hidden Self)

Area covered (hidden self) contains all the things that humans know about yourself or about someone else but he kept just for himself. This is an area where humans produce all things about himself and about others. At the extreme ends, there are those who are too open (overdiscosers) and those who are too closed (underdisclosers). Those who are too open about everything. They do not keep secrets about yourself and about others. They will tell you the story of the family, sexual problems, marital problems, financial circumstances, objectives, successes and failures, just all kinds. The problem with those who are too open is that they do not distinguish between people who should and should not be heard this disclosure. Furthermore, they also do not distinguish the various information which they may express and the information that should they keep secret.

Those who are too close not to say anything. Next they will talk neighbor others but not on their own. They may feel that they are afraid of rejection, or may feel rejected because they do not want to trust others. Most of us different between these two extremes. We keep certain things and we open other things, we are open to certain people and we are not open to someone else. Basically, we are the ones that selectively open.

The Principle of "Turn Off" Barriers Verbal (Language)

a. Do the inclusion and avoid internal discussion

Verbal habits are annoying and disturbing is the internal call when there are others who are not members of the group present. Such as if a collection of children were gathered and discuss communication about communication theory and then suddenly their child's friends come join in the conversation economy was then sometimes they forget to adjust to the child so that the economy is not interesting conversation going like him. In any communication it would need to include every person in the interaction, in group talk service is an annoying habit.

b. Do equality and avoid conversation pejorative

Equality is the opposite view of communication on an equal footing physically, emotionally and intellectually. While downward-talk look at communications versus a lower position. Sometimes when someone does interrupt or cut the talk they are talking is a sign of degrading in a way that what he is talking about is more important than who said to his interlocutor.

There are 2 kinds of downward-talk or the way people degrading others for doing the communication, namely:

• Power play; is verbal maneuvers drop consists of three characters, namely:

o "No one is on top"; form of treatment that ignores the written and unwritten rules to someone.

o "You owe me"; a treat for someone to claim retribution for what she had done

o "He's like a goat", is a form of analogy or metaphor to equate someone with something bad.

• Gobbledygook; is demeaning behavior by way of saying complicated and confusing, or long-winded, so bury the message in a heap of words.

c. Do honesty avoid lying

Honesty is the submission of the meaning of the message as it is without any manipulation (referred to the intention to communicate). While lying is a wrong statement that is intended to deceive or something created to create the wrong impression. Why humans do disbelieving? There are two reasons the first is the attempt to avoid punishment for someone to avoid punishment by disbelieving in others. The second is to get certain benefits. In this context lie because it is driven by:

o Basic needs: lie to preserve objects that meet basic needs such as money, wealth, etc.

o Affiliation: lied to reinforce the desired affiliation and weaken unwanted.

o Self-esteem: lying to enhance self-esteem such as competence, image and sense of social acceptance.

o Satisfaction yourself: lie to achieve self-satisfaction as a lie for humor or to exaggerate things.

d. Do balance self talk and the other talk

The balance is balancing between talking about themselves by talking about other parties. Humans are egocentric beings as if what is on this nature is provided for fun and their interests. So the orientation is only talking about themselves, their own families and so forth. While there is an opposite condition of the man who does not talk about himself. This behavior is shut down. Even so people who have such properties have a great desire to know everything about other people. So that its orientation was talk of others.

Communication is a two way process, so ideally in communication sometimes talk about yourself (self talk), sometimes also talk about other people (other talk). Each participant must be the subject of communication but also given the opportunity to become the objects for effective communication can not be boring.

e. Confidentiality and avoid gossip

Confidentiality is keeping things that are privacy of third parties. The ethics of communication is not the right person to publish information about a person without his permission. So the ideal is to maintain communication of this principle and avoid gossip. Gossip is empty conversations or rumors about others who may cause serious problems if not handled in a fair and even unethical.

f. Confirm & avoid disconfirmation

Every human being has a need for respect and presence is recognized. Therefore, the confirmation must be done in any of interpersonal communication in the form of recognition of the presence of others and showing personal acceptance and pattern of relationships that occur. In contrast to communication patterns that occur can work well it is necessary to avoid disconfirmation of neglect the presence of others and what is communicated.

Barriers In Communication Verbal (Language)

Communications may be stuck or encounter obstacles at any point in the process of sending a message. There are 7 barriers to interpersonal communication that is often referred to as "cognitive distortions" (Burns, 1980). Obstacles can arise in interpersonal communication, group or public. 7 Verbal Communication Barriers are:

a. Polarization: tendency to see the world in the form opposite and elaborate in the extreme form. Humans tend to look his interlocutor in an extreme point condition. Humans will look at his interlocutor whether good or bad, friend or foe. Humans never see the man from the other possibilities such as friend or foe other than perhaps the others are "neutral"

b. Intentional Orientation: tendency to view people, objects and events in accordance with the characteristics inherent in them (the label). If the man in the association has given the picture that they are talking with is "people who do not pull" then he will tend to perceive his interlocutors do not always interesting, although he has not talked at all. This means that human beings tend to view others through the filter information has been obtained previously. Intentional orientation is a behavior that only looked at people from the label inherent in him and not man as a personal self.

c. Erroneous conclusion of fact: Fallacy is also known as pragmatic implications. On submission of the human language or words can do two ways: descriptive statement or inferential statement. Descriptive statement such as "he is wearing a blue shirt" blue shirt can be seen and described significantly. While the inferential statement (conclusion), eg "he looked with malice". The hatred here is difficult to describe in a clear and real. Clearer example again with the story below:

A woman was walking in a mall, by accident he met with his old friend who was 10 years old reportedly unknown. The woman's holding a boy. After talking to the woman asks "Is this your son?" His friend replied "yes, I got married six years ago." Women were then asked the boy "what's your name, son?". The boy replied: "same as the name of the father". "Oh, then your name is Peter," said the woman.

From the story above we may conclude that the earlier a female friend female friends when in fact she'd go round male sex. So basically people are often erroneously concluded that the fact both physical and messages conveyed by his interlocutor.

d. Cut Compass (by passing): the evaluation of error patterns in which people fail to communicate the meaning of what they mean. This occurs when the sender and the recipient misinterpreting each other's eating them. Cut compasses can have two forms, namely: (1) The use of different words but mean the same and (2) Use the same words but different meanings.

In the example of the use of different words but mean the same are as follows:

A: I want our relationship lasting not for a moment (meaning she wants her lover to be the only one who loved)

B: I'm not ready (married), let our relationship like this (meaning just want to be associated with A only)

While in example 2 is as follows:

A: I do not really believe in religion (meaning, do not believe in God)

B: I also (meaning, do not believe in religion but believes in God)

e. Artificiality: is the human inability to know and say everything. This means that humans have limited capabilities that may not convey the facts, phenomena and the meaning in clear, detailed and rigid. Human ability is very limited, as the proverbial blind men describing an elephant was told, when holding its trunk so he would say an elephant like a snake and so on. Humans have never seen anything as a whole or experienced in full. Humans only see a part but overall he concludes.

f. Evaluation of static: error in abstracting something or someone is static, whereas something and someone who is very abstraction may change. It is common and normal when all things changed, but the question of whether human actions and behavior of a phenomenon or humans show that they know these changes through other words, do human beings act in accordance with the rhythm of change and not just accept it.

g. Indiscriminate: human inability to see the phenomenon as something that is unique or special and need to be observed individually. Everything in nature is not all Naturalife Greenworld the exact same thing in common. All things are unique and different from the others. Even so to facilitate the classification of something then do the categorization of human-specific categorization based on similarities and specific features. Categorization was causing people to forget the uniqueness of each person, thing or event. Indiscriminate occurred when humans are not able to see that each is unique and special and need to be observed individually. This error is often referred to as the stereotype of mental images that persist about a particular group of people that are considered applicable to every member of that group without regard to the uniqueness of each person concerned.

Listening Effectively

Man listening to for various reasons and for different purposes, the principles applied in effective listening should be different from one situation to another. Here are four dimensions of listening and illustrations fit the various models of listening to different communication situations.

a. Participatory and Passive Listening

Effective listening is the key to participate. Perhaps the best preparation for a participatory hearing is to act like someone who participates (physically and mentally) in the act of communication. It may sound trivial and redundant, but, in practice, this is probably listening to an effective rule of the most neglected.

Keep in mind how the human body reacts to important news. Almost immediately he would take an upright position, tilt your body to Arabic speakers, and relatively speaking. Humans do this instinctively because in this way is considered to be the most effective listening. But this does not mean that listening should be tense and uncomfortable when listening. What is more important than physical alertness are mental alertness. As a listener, participation in the communication interaction is equivalent to the speaker, as people who are emotionally and intellectually ready to engage in the process of sharing meaning.

However, not passively listening is not helpful. Passively listening - listening without speaking and without direct talks with nonverbal ways - is a powerful way to communicate the acceptance. Listening to passively allow the speaker to develop thoughts and ideas in front of other people who received but did not evaluate and does not interfere.

Other forms and passively listening is just sit back, relax, and let the sound stimulation stroking without the use of energy means, and especially without direct stimulation of that at all. Listening to music is really for fun and not to make criticism is perhaps a good example.

 

b. Empathic listening and Objective

If you want to understand what he meant and felt someone, people need to listen with empathy (Rodgers & Fanson, 1981). To empathize with another person means to feel what they felt, involve the world as they involved. Only when humans can empathize so he can understand what another person entirely. Although for most situations empathic listening communication is the most advisable response model, there are times when people need to go further to measure the meaning and feeling according to objective reality.

c. Listen without judging and listen critically

Listening to effectively involve responses that are not good rate (nonjudgmental) and the critical. Humans need to listen without judging - with an open mind and and try to understand. However, humans also need to listen critically for the purpose of evaluation or appraisal. Clearly, people need to first listen to understand and refrain from making judgments. Listening with an open mind is very difficult as an example, listen to arguments against a particular belief or listen to popular criticism of the values. Furthermore, people need to listen to a fair (fair), although there are statements that are not in place will be pitched against.

However, if meaningful communication should be established, it is necessary to complete the act of listening with an open mind is the act of listening critically. Listening with an open mind will help settle the message better. Listen with a critical mind this understanding will help analyze and evaluate the message ..

d. Listening in a Shallow and the In

In most of the messages have a clear meaning that can be known by literally reading the words and sentences that were there, but often there is also another level of meaning. Sometimes the original meaning contrary to the literal meaning. Another time, two meanings seem completely unrelated. In fact, few messages that only have one level of meaning; most messages contain two or three levels of meaning at once. For example, Anna asked for your comments about the new haircut. On one level the meaning is clear: Do you like this haircut? But apparently there is another level of meaning, perhaps more important level: Anna expect you to say something positive about the appearance. In the same way, a father who complained about the busy and hard work in the office or at home might actually expect any awards. In a hearing should be very sensitive to different levels of meaning. If the only response to surface-level communication, it will lose the opportunity to make contacts more daring with feelings and real needs of the person concerned.

Barriers to Effective Listening

There are various obstacles to effectiveness in listening. According to Nichols & Stevens (1957) barriers to listening to consist of:

1. Busy with Yourself

Perhaps the most serious obstacle and most destructive of effective listening is a human tendency to become preoccupied with yourself. For example, people may focus on its practices themselves during the interaction. Sometimes busy with yourself arise because people assume the role as a speaker. Humans began to prepare responses and think about what will be said to answer the questions of his interlocutor. Over time focusing on yourself this, would not pay attention to what the speaker said.

2. Busy with External Issues

Another inhibitor is the tendency to focus on issues that are not relevant to the interaction. Humans think about what was done last Saturday, making plans for tonight or thinking about films that will be witnessed this evening. Of course, more and more busy people thinking about these external matters, increasingly ineffective listening activities.

3. Sharpen (Sharpening)

In sharpening, one or two aspects and the message highlighted, emphasized, and perhaps spiced. Often the concept is refined certain things that happen to stand out compared with the other aspects.

4. Assimilation

Assimilation is the tendency to reconstruct the message so that it is in accordance with the attitudes, prejudices, needs, and the man himself. For example, if a person has negative views of the management company. He received messages that are neutral. For example, a company bulletin says "Management plans to impose a schedule change drastically. Employees should prompt response. "Notice that this statement is not pro or anti-management. Because assimilation may see this as a negative evaluation of the management. In delivering this message to other colleagues, he hinted the negative evaluation of self and say something like, "They will mess up the schedule again." The person who receives this message will not know anything about the first message that is neutral, they only hear negative evaluation: that management will impose a schedule that will be difficult for employees.

5. Comrade Factor-or-Opponent

Factors friend-or-create a human opponent often distorts the message because of his attitude toward others. For example, if you think Freddy is a friend then you will take pains to try to listen objectively Freddy. You have to try hard to hear and evaluate what he says in a fair and unbiased but will be different if Freddy had is your enemy

6. Hearing Expected

When listening, people are often lost in the speaker's message. However, often do not hear what was actually said and instead listen to what is expected. You know that Lin lecturers often protested about the values that have, therefore, when Lin told you about the problem with a teacher, almost automatically you "heard" that Lin was complaining about its value.

Listening

Essence Listening

Because the activities of listening is often understood only dimly understood and sometimes inaccurate, it is necessary is the need to examine more thoroughly the essence of listening. Listening is defined as an active process of receiving stimuli (stimulus) ear (aural). Contrary to popular conception, is a process of active listening is not passive. Listening does not just happen, people must do it. Listening requires effort and commitment. Listening (listening) regarding acceptance of the stimulus and therefore different from the hearing (hearing) as a physiological process. The word received confirms that a person absorbs the stimulus (stimulus) and process it in some way. At least for some time, the signal received custody. Listening involves aural stimulation, is a signal (sound waves) received by the ear. Listen, therefore, not limited to verbal cues (words), but also includes all signals that can be heard: loud noises as well as the words, music as well as prose. Listening is a skill that is very important in all forms of human communication.

Types of Listening

As well as speaking for various purposes, people also listen to a variety of purposes. There are three types of listening are:

a. Listening for Pleasure. Listening for pleasure takes quite a lot of time. Listening to music, sports broadcasts, or television show is basically for fun. When listening for pleasure, a student may forget while lecturers are fussy, distanced himself from the other stimuli, relax and enjoy this stimulation. Listen to this category of activity is relatively passive.

b. Listen for information. A student or students, have the primary responsibility to listen to obtain information. In class listening to teachers or lecturers and other fellow students. When setting the car radio to listen to the results of the final game of football and so forth. In small groups or interpersonal situation, a lot of time and people used to listen to the information - what happens. Once upon a time, human purpose simply get new information, learn the specific data are not yet known. Other times, people listen to obtain information so that it can acquire new skills or do something more effectively - to operate the computer, throw the ball, serving dinner. Another time again, listening for specific information so that then can perform an evaluation or criticism.

c. Listening to Help. Function assist in listening activities are of great importance that will be mentioned repeatedly. When people listen to someone complain, talk about a problem or will try to make decisions, people often listen to for help. Perhaps this assistance in the form of a listener than a caring and supportive. Other times, the assistance provided can be more direct, for example in the form of giving advice and counsel.

Guidelines For Self-Disclosure

Because self-disclosure lead to the benefits and dangers, study carefully the possibility of the consequences before deciding to perform self-disclosure. Which is almost as difficult is the proper response to self-disclosure to others. Because self-disclosure is a very important and very sensitive, we suggest guidelines for (1) decide whether to perform self-disclosure and how, and (2) perceive self-disclosure to others.

Guidelines for Self-Disclosure

Each person must take individual decisions regarding self-disclosure. Every decision will be based on a number of variables, many of which we have mentioned in earlier discussion. The following guidelines will help you ask questions that apply before making your decision.

Motivation Self-Disclosure. Self-disclosure should be encouraged by a sense of interest in the relationship, against others involved, and to yourself. While the conduct of self-disclosure to hurt listeners. For example, a girl who told their parents that they hinder rather than help her emotional development may express a desire to hurt and punish the parents rather than to improve relations between them. Also, of course, self-disclosure may not be used to punish themselves (perhaps because of feelings of guilt or unresolved conflicts.) Self-disclosure should be useful and productive for all parties involved.

Self-Disclosure propriety. Self-disclosure should be in accordance with the environment (context) and the relationship between speaker and listener. Before performing the self-disclosure is important, ask yourself whether the time and place are correct. Can you set the time and place which is better? Does self-disclosure was warranted for the relationship that exists? Generally, the more personal nature of self-disclosure, the closer relationship is needed. Perhaps we should not reveal anything that is too personal to people who are not too familiar, to the casual acquaintance, or in the early stages of a relationship. This advice is especially true for self-disclosure that are negative for example, those dealing with financial or sexual difficulties, or experience of dependence on drugs.

Self-disclosure of other people. During your self-disclosure, give the other person a chance to do is self-disclosure. If the other person does not perform self-disclosure as well, think back to your self-disclosure. A lack of reciprocal self-disclosure is probably a sign that the person is at that moment and the atmosphere was not welcoming your self-disclosure.

So, express yourself in stages. Express little by little. When self-disclosure is too fast and at the same time, an act of reciprocity does not usually happen. Furthermore, you lose the ability to withdraw if the feedback you received was not positive enough.

Expenses that may be incurred Self-Disclosure. Consider carefully the difficulties that you may incur due to self-disclosure. Can you bear the risk of losing a job if you reveal that the ex-convict? Are you willing to risk a breakup if you disclose the past relationship problems?

Ask yourself if you cause an undue burden on the listener? Parents often impose undue burden on their children by revealing marital problems, incompatibility, and so forth. Often self-disclosure as it does not make the relationship better make it even more tense. Often self-disclosure is done to relieve feelings of guilt without considering the burden to be borne by others.

Guidelines for Responding to Other People's Self-Disclosure

When someone reveals himself to you, this is usually a sign of trust and affection. In performing its duties as receiver, remember, remember the following.

Take advantage of Effective Listening Skills and Active. In unit 5, we identify effective listening skills. This is particularly important when we

Dangers of Self-Disclosure

The many benefits of self-disclosure should not make us blind to the risks (Bochmer, 1984). Here we discuss some of the main dangers.

Personal and Social Rejection. When we do self-disclosures we normally do to people we trust. We perform self-disclosure to someone who we think will be supporting our self-disclosure. Of course, this person may turn out to reject us. Parents, who are usually the most supportive of us, often refused to reveal the nature of homosexual children, who are interested in getting married with people of different religions, who intends to move conviction. Friends of the most familiar probably also will reject us if we do a similar self-disclosure.

Material losses. Occasionally, self-disclosure resulted in material losses. Politicians who revealed that he had been treated psychiatrist might lose the support of his own political party and the people will be reluctant to vote for him. Teachers who revealed that he had alcoholism or indecent act upon students in the past may be sentenced by his peers, gets the assignment of teaching that "no fun", or dismissed by reason of cost savings. In the world of business, self-disclosure of alcohol or drug addiction is often followed by dismissal, demotion, or transfer.

Intrapersonal difficulties. When the reactions of others are not as expected, intrapersonal difficulties may occur. If you are rejected and not supported, if your parents are not even booed and caress you, and if your friends away from you and not your approach as before, you are on track toward intrapersonal difficulties. No one is happy to be rejected, and those with fragile egos need to think about the damage that can be caused by the rejection like this.

Remember that self-disclosure, like other forms of communication, is not reversible (see Unit 2). We can not self-disclose to someone and then pull it back. However hard we attempt to pull our self-disclosure, once something has been said, he can not be withdrawn. Also, we can not erase the conclusion drawn by the listener based on our self-disclosure.

Rewards Self Disclosure

Why does someone have to reveal yourself to others? What type of communication that gives a lot of attention, let us answer this question by looking at the benefits of self-disclosure.

1. Self-knowledge. One of the benefits of self-disclosure is that we gain new perspectives about themselves and a deeper understanding about our own behavior. In therapy, for example, views into the often arise when the client is doing self-disclosure. Clients may be aware of aspects of behavior or relationships which have not know it. Because, through self-disclosure, we can understand ourselves in depth.

2. Ability to Overcome Difficulties. Another closely related argument is that we will be better able to overcome our problems or difficulties, in particular feelings of guilt, through self-disclosure. One big fear is present in many people is that they are not environmentally acceptable because of a certain secret, because of something they once did, or because of certain feelings or attitudes they have. Because we believe that these things are the basis of rejection (rejection), we build a sense of guilt. By expressing such feelings and receive support, not rejection, we become better prepared to cope with feelings of guilt and perhaps reduce or even eliminate them altogether.

3. Even self-acceptance (self-acceptance) become difficult without self-disclosure. We accept ourselves largely through the eyes of others. If we feel other people reject us, we tend to deny ourselves as well. Through self-disclosure and supports that come, we put ourselves in a better position to capture the positive response to us, and we will be more likely to react by developing a positive self-concept.

4. Efficiency of Communication. Disclosure of self-improving communication. We understand the messages from other people as far as we understand most of the others individually. We can better understand what someone says if we know the better person. We can know what the meaning of certain nuances, if that person is being serious and when he was joking, and when he became sarcastic or when I'm angry. Self-disclosure is a necessary condition to get to know other people. You can only examine a person's behavior or even live with him for years, but if that person never reveals himself, you do not understand the person as a whole person.

5. Depth Communications. Perhaps the main reason for the importance of self-disclosure is that it is necessary to foster a meaningful relationship between two people. Without self-disclosure, meaningful and deep relationships are not possible. Through self-disclosure, we tell others that we trust them, respect them, and they will care enough and will link us to express ourselves to them. It then will make others want to open up and establish at least the beginning of a relationship that is meaningful, honest and open relationship and that relationship just improvise.

Self Disclosure

When people disclose information from a closed area (hidden self), people do self-disclosure (Jourard, 1968, 1971a, 1971b). In this section, the man observed a number of aspects of self-disclosure (self-disclosure): Essentially, the factors that influence it, how to avoid it, the benefit or usefulness, and possible dangers.

Reality of Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure is a type of communication where people disclose information about itself that is usually hidden. Special note should be given about some aspects of this elementary definition.

Self-disclosure is a type of communication. Thus, statements concerning the unintended human beings such as slip-tongue, nonverbal movement that is not realized, and open acknowledgment generally can be classified into self-disclosure communications. But, generally, the term self-disclosure is used to refer to the disclosure of information consciously, like the statement "I am afraid of flying," or "I spent time in jail for two years before I met you."

Disclosure itself is "information". Something that was not previously known to the recipient. Information is the new knowledge. For self-disclosure occurs, a new knowledge must be communicated.

Self-disclosure is information about themselves: about the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of people, or about other people who are very close to a very thinking. Thus, self-disclosure can be interpreted as an act of self.

Self-disclosure of information concerning the usual and actively concealed. While some researchers (eg, Derlega et al., 1987) looked at self-disclosure as any information about yourself. Self-disclosure is information that is usually not disclosed and humans are actively trying to keep it confidential.

Self-disclosure involves at least one other person. For self-disclosure occurs, follow the communication must involve at least two people. Self-disclosure can not be an act of intrapersonal. To become self-disclosure, the information must be accepted and understood by others.

Factors Affecting Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure occurs more smoothly in certain situations than other situations. Here, we identify several factors that influence self-disclosure.

1. Large Group. Self-disclosure occurs more frequently in smaller groups than in large groups. Dyads (groups of two people) is the most suitable environment for self-disclosure. With one listener, the parties conducting the self-disclosure can permeate responses carefully. With the support or lack of support, one can monitor this self-disclosure, forward if the situation is to support and stop it if the situation does not support. If there is more than one listener, this kind of monitoring is difficult, because the response would appear different from different audiences.

2. Feelings like. We are opening ourselves to people we like or love and will not open up to people we do not like (Derlega et al., 1987). This is not surprising because the people we like (and perhaps like us) will be supportive and positive. Self-Disclosure John Berg and Richard Archer (1983) reported that not only we ourselves to them requires that we like, we seem to be like unto them to whom and to open up. We also open up more to people we trust (Wheeles and Gross., 1977). At times, self-disclosure is more likely to occur in relationships that are temporary rather than permanent relationships for example, between prostitutes and their clients, and even among fellow passenger train or plane. Michael McGill (1985), in McGill Report on Male Intimacy, and naming this kind of relationship "intimate journey" ("in-intimacy"). In this situation, two relationships are intimate self-disclosure during a short trip, but did not continue after that.

3. Dyadic effects. We perform self-disclosure when a person sharing, we also do self-disclosure. Dyadic effect this might make us feel safer and, in fact, reinforce the behavior of our own self-disclosure. Berg and Archer (1993) reported that self-disclosure become more familiar when it is done in response to self-disclosure to others.

4. Competence. More competent person to do in self-disclosure rather than the less competent. "Very probably," Lawrence said James McCroskey and Wheeless (1976), has the confidence needed to take better advantage of self-disclosure. Or, more likely to be again, a competent person may have many positive things about themselves to be disclosed rather than the people who are not competent. "

5. Personality. People who have a way (sociable) and extroverts perform self-disclosure more than their less jaunty and more introverted. Feelings of anxiety also affects the degree of self-disclosure. Uneasiness sometimes increase self-disclosure and other times reduce it to a minimum. People who lack courage to speak in general also expressed themselves less than those who feel more comfortable in communicating.

6. Topics. We are more inclined to open up about another topic. For example, we are more likely to reveal personal information about our work or hobbies rather than about the sex lives or our financial situation (Jourard, 1968, 1971a). We also reveal better information faster than the information that is not good. Generally, the more personal and more negative a topic, the less likely we disclose it.

7. Sex. The most important factor affecting self-disclosure is gender. Generally, men more or less open than women. Judy Pearson (1980) argues that the role was sex (sex role) and open the sexes in the biological sense for the discrepancies in terms of this self-disclosure. "Women who are masculine," for example, is less open than women who value a lower masculinity scale. Furthermore, the "feminine man" to open up greater than men who value a lower femininity scale. Men and women jug suggests different reasons for their avoidance of self-disclosure, as illustrated in Table 3.1. (Rosenfeld, 1979).